Loyality in social Tango and the habit of selfishness.

People want to have fun, want to dance a lot and well. Everybody is waiting for a dance. People want to find a guy/girl for a date. Want, want, want ; ego, ego, ego. Where is the loyality in social tango or does there exist a habit of selfishness?

Some people are acting as if they have written ego on their front head. Sure, it is human to have an ego. We may think in ourselves first, when it comes to well-being, but this does not automatically mean that you may ignore other people’s needs. Does loyality in social tango exist?

Loyality in social tango, or a habit of selfishness?

What comes into your mind when you think of dancing socially?

The dance floor is a small universe, a tiny copy of society. Like in every society behavior of the people mirror education, manners and culture.

“Loyalities are feelings of friendship, support or duty towards someone or something.”

Do we support and help others? Are we interested in other people’s problems? Do we act in loyalty or selfishness to our tango peers?
What I am addressing here is our support and assistance on and next to the dance floor.
It is all about taking and giving, like in the real world.

Are you sure you are ready to give something, or do you just belong to the group of takers?

You want to have fun. Are you giving fun to others?

You want to dance a lot. Are you sure not to be picky? Do you share your dance-time with beginners as well? Have you socialized enough to know many people?

You only want to dance with advanced dancers. Do you dance well yourself? Are your skills good enough for those dancers you would intend to dance with? Imagine, those advanced dancers want to find equal partners as well to be able to enjoy to the fullest.

You want to meet a guy/girl for dating. Are you sure you signalize your intention in a most sophisticated way?

You probably will think, sure I am doing all that already.I am very social, I dance with everybody, I am nice and friendly and never in a bad mood…But then…

loyalities in tango, waiting for a dance — milongueras waiting for a dance

About the habit of selfishness.

Some men dancing with women just of the selfish fun to be close to the opposite gender, preferable to young and pretty beginners, who are afraid to reject as they want to be polite.

A few women dancing non-stop as if there will be no other Milonga happening anymore. Selfishly taking away the chances for other women to dance while there are only a few men attending?

A very good dancer is standing around for ages, not dancing a tanda, awaiting the preferred partner to come, abandoning many women waiting for a dance?

I understand that the way we behave and what we expect in a Milonga is different from person to person.

What really matters is loyality in social tango.

When you want to have fun than be funny yourself.
When looking for good dances, then give good dances by yourself. You cannot do so, if you stuck at the same level for ages, without spending the time to learn and practice for better skills.
I have heard many dancers complaining about low abilities of others, but they by themselves lack in their basics and do not even realize it. Be realistic and honest to yourself.

Some men are mis-using the Argentine tango, to have a women close in their arms. Probably they are not aware of doing bad, … they possibly even think the ladies are sensing same pleasure.
Maybe 1 of 100 women just wants the same. The rest, believe me…… looking for much, much more sensibility, than only the closeness of the opposite gender.

Some thoughts while waiting for a dance.

Women want to be embraced well, sensing a clean and well fragrant body, being lead with a solid musicality…. without being pushed around.
Women like to be treated in a well-mannered way.
Ladies are expecting some basic claims, to enjoy dancing.
Every man with a little understanding for the female gender should anticipate these basic needs.

Men enjoy the responsibility for the follower, they enjoy sensing the trust and surrender. They love to feel our good vibes and good connection, Let’s give these to them. We owe men as well.

About the needless victims on the dance floor.

A student of mine once mentioned to me; “a milonga is capitalism pure, the strongest wins”.
And he is unfortunately often right with this. You have to work hard to find your way if you do not belong to the lucky ones.
I have made the experience that men, humble and shy beginners …asking for a dance, apologizing for their poor skills, getting discouraged by rejecting. Talking here about real beginners, not the ” 10 years of dancing in the milonga beginners “.

I watched women going home exasperated after hours of waiting and waiting for a dance.

A Milonga is a tiny universe, a small community where “Offs” and “Nos” and the habit of selfishness are very much visible.

I am asking myself, what can be done to make a Milonga a better place?

I am asking for a little bit of loyality in every single Milongero/a.

Let’s give space for some loyality in social tango.

Get rid of the habit of selfishness.

While waiting for a dance, think in the person next to you.

Think what might be his/her intention, or thoughts.

What can I do to make him/her feel better?

We do not need to play “Mother Theresa” all night long, but once in a while, yes… that would definitely help to rise loyality in social tango.